This week someone told me "I don't think I will encourage my children to love selflessly the way I have." I thought about this a lot. The idea that we are only truly loving if we are "selfless" is such a stupid myth.

What people think they are doing when they are "loving selflessly" is that they are being big hearted and noble. In fact, what they are doing is being a Rescuer.

Being a Rescuer means suppressing you own needs and wants in deference to the needs and wants of another. You do this because you think the other person "needs" this from you.

You convince yourself that the other person's needs and wants are more important than yours. Or perhaps you do it because you fear a loss of connection in the relationship if you don't. You don't want the other person to know what you really think, feel or need because then how would you feel if they didn't care? Or you don't share those things because you really don't think they can handle it. Either way, you are not being honest and you are in fact driving a wedge between you.

So the next time you are tempted to be "selfless" ask yourself if it really is that, or is it that you choose to not honor what's important to you just because it's easier to not respect the person than it is to tell the truth.

Feel free to comment, I'd love to hear what you think!

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