Virtuous Giving#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker

The Virtues of Giving

We are taught by our authority to give to other and to be selfless we are doing what we believe is the highest good.  The idea of giving to others and setting aside our own needs is as old as organized religion. The Church teaches us that we are to set aside our selves for the good of the whole.

The Catholic Encyclopedia teaches us that:

“Not only is the happiness to be found in living for others the supreme end of conduct, but a disinterested devotion to Humanity as a whole is the highest form of religious service.

…--The first condition of individual and social well-being is the subordination of self-love to the benevolent impulses.

…--The first principle of morality, therefore, is the regulative supremacy of social sympathy over the self-regarding instincts.”

How communist is this point of view?

This very communist belief system prompted my sister to write a thesis in High School that Jesus was as communist. 

Indeed, if you accept the Catholic view of giving as promoted in The Catholic Encyclopedia you have to also accept the core communist beliefs as well.  In Letter to his Father Karl Marx wrote: “If we have chosen the position in life in which we can most of all work for mankind, no burdens can bow us down, because they are sacrifices for the benefit of all; then we shall experience no petty, limited, selfish joy, but our happiness will belong to millions, our deeds will live on quietly but perpetually at work, and over our ashes will be shed the hot tears of noble people.”

Another philosopher’s view

Ayan Rand’s brand of philosophy was called Objectivism. She wrote

"Sacrifice" does not mean the rejection of the worthless, but of the precious. "Sacrifice" does not mean the rejection of the evil for the sake of the good, but of the good for the sake of the evil. "Sacrifice" is the surrender of that which you value in favor of that which you don't.

If you exchange a penny for a dollar, it is not a sacrifice; if you exchange a dollar for a penny, it is. If you achieve the career you wanted, after years of struggle, it is not a sacrifice; if you then renounce it for the sake of a rival, it is. If you own a bottle of milk and give it to your starving child, it is not a sacrifice; if you give it to your neighbor's child and let your own die, it is.

If you give money to help a friend, it is not a sacrifice; if you give it to a worthless stranger, it is. If you give your friend a sum you can afford, it is not a sacrifice; if you give him money at the cost of your own discomfort, it is only a partial virtue, according to this sort of moral standard; if you give him money at the cost of disaster to yourself—that is the virtue of sacrifice in full.”

The truth about Giving

What we are commanded to do (from the Bible) is love others just as we love ourselves. We are to love other humans in the same way, taking into account their interests and needs. This means we do not “sacrifice” or “give” when it is going to hurt us to do so.  It means we do not give up our selves in order to provide something for someone else. It does not require us to lose our sense of what matters to values, what our needs and us are for the sake of another.

Rescuing

Rescuing is when we give more than we can afford to give. It’s when we give and it’s harmful to ourselves. When giving to others is what makes us feel good about ourselves, that is rescuing. Our moral structures often encourage us to do just that. Our churches and often our organized charities encourage us to do just that.

Rescuing is a form of egoism that is harmful to others and ourselves.  It is egoism with the objective of lifting ourselves out of the dim view we have of ourselves.  It doesn’t come from love; it comes from self interest.

Respect

Respect means we respect ourselves. It means we give of ourselves when it is respectful of ourselves. If we are giving money to someone when we ourselves do not have enough; that is not respectful of ourselves. When we give to others things they can and should provide for themselves; that is not respectful of them.

How to gauge the difference

When we stay connected to ourselves emotionally and to the message our bodies give us we can easily know when it is respectful of others and ourselves to give.  If we feel that icky, sick feeling in our stomach, the anxious tension in our shoulders, that quivery feeling in our legs -  we know something is not right about what we are about to do.  Listening to our bodies and our emotions can inform us if the knowledge is not all present. Now that changes everything!

Often our guilt motivates our giving. If we feel guilty if we don’t give; that is the wrong reason to give.  Don’t ever give out of guilt because you will have no way to gauge if this is a rational choice.  Guilt clouds your thinking and hides your true feelings.

What do you think?

Is this over thinking? Is giving just something you do because giving is just the right thing no matter what? Comment below.

Saturday, March 22, 2008 3:50:17 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [2]  | 
Sunday, March 30, 2008 8:53:51 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)


Melody,

"When giving to others is what makes us feel good about ourselves, that is rescuing...it is egoism with the objective of lifting ourselves out of the dim view we have of ourselves. "

At the same time, I think that giving to others can lead to an authentic *discovery* of the self. I know a lot of people with Eating Disorders, and they are among some of the most good-hearted and giving people you will ever hope to meet, and yet also among the most self-distrustful and self-doubtful. One would only hope that reflection upon their often-authentic giving nature *would* help them escape their personal "dim view" and thus help them gain a better sense of their true self. That through their instinctive good works they could come to discover the true good about themselves.

I also believe that some people "give" as a result of their in-born temperment. The Meyers-Briggs "types" come to mind. For some "types" apparently similar forms of giving are likely to have quite different core meanings, and serve more or less healthy functions depending on person. I'm not sure it is proper to generalize, is I guess what I mean.

"The Church teaches us that we are to set aside our selves for the good of the whole."

As out-of-fashion this sort of thinking seems today, it's hard to ignore the relative mental health of societies that, as an aspect of social norms, do set aside the self for the common good. When contrasted with Western "self" oriented societies (as evidenced by the "self" help thrust of much current western psychology) ...well...the "what goes around comes around" nature of more selfless societies bears contemplation.

"Is giving just something you do because giving is just the right thing no matter what?"

I suppose it's the "no matter what" aspect of this question that's where the rub lies. But yes, I do give because, internally, it seems (and feels) profoundly like the right thing.

Robert








Robert Johnson
Monday, March 31, 2008 8:04:36 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)
Watching Simon Cowell give of himself on Oprah brings to mind the "discovery of self" thing you talk about. And, yes the Meyers-Briggs could lead to some interesting observations about the people doing the giving.

Giving is great when you can afford it (Simon and Oprah) and it's great when you can give anonymously, and when giving doesn't diminish your own resources to the point you are harming yourself in the process. I just think it's worth examining the motivation behind the giving.

Is Oprah going to do a follow up with people she has given to, to see how they are doing with what she is giving them? To see if they have "paid it forward"? Or is she just going to be happy with having given and what they do with it is up to them?

An example is the Federal government now demanding Katrina victims give some of their money back (if there were strings they should have said so). Are we subconsciously trying to control them with our gift, wanting them to become better people because of it? Or do we simply find our joy in the giving?
Thank you for your comments!
Comments are closed.
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